I’ve had Beta days

So I guess I should update this blog, not because I have any kind of conclusive news, but because the continuing inconclusive situation might be marginally less frustrating if I vent. After all that bleeding (10dpt-12dpt), my first beta HCG (a blood test for the 'pregnancy hormone') on 13dpt (days past transfer, Friday) was low and … Continue reading I’ve had Beta days

Positively mindf**ked

I am a torrid mess of emotions, all of which are simultaneously pulling on my innards while I'm trying to work. Doesn't help that I am also crampy, nauseous and completely unfocused. Today is 12dp4dt. I have had a dull, continuous cramp for three days now and have been bleeding like I have been stabbed in … Continue reading Positively mindf**ked

The Land of What Ifs and Buts

(Update below) It has been a 24-hour period of the highest high and one of the lowest lows I have ever experienced in a cycle. Sheer impatience, weird signs and a touch of nausea meant I caved yesterday (at 10dpt4dt) and peed on a stick. Opted for a Clearblue digital (expectation management since it requires … Continue reading The Land of What Ifs and Buts

Squirt on Board

**Not sure what happened with WordPress. But a very garbled version of this post went up. Reposting and hopefully, this makes more sense now! Had our embryo transfer on Saturday and here she (he??) is... We ended up transferring a Day 4 compacting morula, which our embryologist was fairly convinced was on its way into … Continue reading Squirt on Board

Almost-Mother’s Day

Mother's Day is tough for the mother-in-waiting (wanting?). Not that the other 364 days a year that you suffer from infertility are a whole lot easier. But as many in the world count down to that special Sunday (May 13 where I am), it gets harder to ignore the gnawing feeling in my belly (it's not … Continue reading Almost-Mother’s Day

Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

This piece by clinical psychologist Elizabeth Merill got my attention today. I feel her pain acutely. You go into IVF brimming with hope. You do all the research and most times, you tightly grip on to the positive odds. Even if - at the back of your mind - you realise that this may not work, that … Continue reading Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

The Rainbow Connection

I am headed into the lab today to drop off the paperwork and samples to kick off the upcoming cycle. I had been feeling somewhat tentative this time around (few people talk about being "fifth time lucky"), waiting to start "feeling it". Outside my window, there is a sun shower, which is probably one of … Continue reading The Rainbow Connection

“Just try and relax”

Our friends in the US are marking National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28), and a number of women in an IVF support group to which I belong have been posting about being the "1 in 8" and the need to 'flip the script' on infertility. I admire them - going public about your infertility is … Continue reading “Just try and relax”

Going social

So - and possibly against my better judgement - I'm now on Facebook. This is in part to give my posts a little bit more reach (even if I have exactly no friends yet - not because I am a social idiot, but because I don't want to be friends with my actual friends - see Covert … Continue reading Going social

If you read one thing today…

When someone so artfully combines narrative and visual storytelling, humour, and pain, it simply has to be shared: Read Expecting by Lucy Grove-Jones. I love how she's captured her story, and went 'yes yes yes!' and then 'no, no no!' more than a couple of times. Whether you've experienced loss or fertility issues, near died in anticipation from one … Continue reading If you read one thing today…