When I grow up…

I've been mulling over what it will mean if we are never successful in our quest to have children, and all ideas I ever had about what my future would look like are short-circuited: There would be no first steps or first words No messy diaper changes or stroller wheels broken by European cobblestones No … Continue reading When I grow up…

Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

If you know someone going through IVF, it might feel tricky trying to tippy-toe around the issue. Here are some things I wish I could just come out and tell some of the people around me: 1. You don't have to bubble wrap conversations, but be mindful of the kinds of things you say: She … Continue reading Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

Christmas …

Merry Christmas everyone! It certainly has been a while. I had to press the pause button on the baby plans for a bit. Got felled by the flu and it was a long drawn nightmare. Thankfully, I was close enough to 90% to put together a Christmas Eve countdown and a Christmas Day dinner, and … Continue reading Christmas …

Heard the one about Immaculate Conception?

This has been a week of endlessly germinating thoughts and unpublished blog posts because I don't seem to be able to find the time to see a single idea from start to end. Even writing for work has been trying and I haven't been able to find 5 minutes for a run. Why? I'm blaming … Continue reading Heard the one about Immaculate Conception?

Inconceivable

Finally got around to reading Inconceivable: A Woman's Triumph over Despair and Statistics by Julia Indichova (it's also available for Kindle here), and it's one of the best captures of the rawness and desperation of infertility that I have read to date. It's been around since 1997, and I'm not sure how I've managed not … Continue reading Inconceivable

On dark places

One of the biggest issues for women going through IVF (or at least the ones I know) is how isolating it all feels. You struggle with feeling like a failure as a woman and human being. You view the "you had one job" memes differently when you're can't fulfill your basic biological destiny. You're stuck … Continue reading On dark places

The Big Thaw

Sorry about the silence. I needed the technology detox and the plan was, in that quiet, to try and listen a little closer both to me and the world around me. Of course, I did none of that, but it was both liberating not to worry about charging my phone and empowering to categorically ignore … Continue reading The Big Thaw

When words fail

A blogger friend sent love for our loss today. She had just miscarried too, she said. I felt a spanner in my gut tighten, my stomach lurching slightly. Fresh from another early loss, I knew her pain acutely. The gaping hole in my belly, and in my heart. I felt her hug from afar, a … Continue reading When words fail

Change in scenery

Quickly chiming in from the other end of the world after a crazy number of plane rides (blame summer prices) and way too much bad airplane food. We're in the motherland visiting the in-laws, and so begins a little time with family, nature, and some quiet from everyday life. Including... nah, perhaps especially... assisted baby-making … Continue reading Change in scenery