Almost-Mother’s Day

Mother's Day is tough for the mother-in-waiting (wanting?). Not that the other 364 days a year that you suffer from infertility are a whole lot easier. But as many in the world count down to that special Sunday (May 13 where I am), it gets harder to ignore the gnawing feeling in my belly (it's not … Continue reading Almost-Mother’s Day

Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

This piece by clinical psychologist Elizabeth Merill got my attention today. I feel her pain acutely. You go into IVF brimming with hope. You do all the research and most times, you tightly grip on to the positive odds. Even if - at the back of your mind - you realise that this may not work, that … Continue reading Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

The Rainbow Connection

I am headed into the lab today to drop off the paperwork and samples to kick off the upcoming cycle. I had been feeling somewhat tentative this time around (few people talk about being "fifth time lucky"), waiting to start "feeling it". Outside my window, there is a sun shower, which is probably one of … Continue reading The Rainbow Connection

Going social

So - and possibly against my better judgement - I'm now on Facebook. This is in part to give my posts a little bit more reach (even if I have exactly no friends yet - not because I am a social idiot, but because I don't want to be friends with my actual friends - see Covert … Continue reading Going social

If you read one thing today…

When someone so artfully combines narrative and visual storytelling, humour, and pain, it simply has to be shared: Read Expecting by Lucy Grove-Jones. I love how she's captured her story, and went 'yes yes yes!' and then 'no, no no!' more than a couple of times. Whether you've experienced loss or fertility issues, near died in anticipation from one … Continue reading If you read one thing today…

Covert operations

It's been just over a week since I started documenting my IVF journey again, and it has been great to connect with some of the other women/IVF-ers on this platform (and other writers in general), reading their stories and poetry, looking at pictures of their children, husbands, their everyday lives... It begs the question of … Continue reading Covert operations

Do you ever forget?

This quote (seen on Awakening Wildflower) stopped me in my tracks this morning. “A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman … Continue reading Do you ever forget?

Seeing red

Red is the colour of life. Of beginnings. The hue of longing, passion, and fire. Red is energy. It colours romance and courtship, desire and love. It is the deep shade of sensuality. Intense, hot, and strong. It is the power tie, celebrity carpets. Courage and bravery. Red is Christmas and Valentine's Day and weddings. Joy, … Continue reading Seeing red

On pain, and more pain

I deleted this post three times before I let this one stick, largely because pain takes on strange and contradictory meanings when you're suffering through infertility. It's hard to describe. You become numb to the pricks of needles as they start to represent life-giving hope getting you closer to some invisible finish line, the side … Continue reading On pain, and more pain

No place to grieve

Japan is, apparently, dotted with what are called Jizo shrines - temples with tiny statues of infants, offerings to Jizo, who (among other tasks) watches over miscarried and aborted fetuses. Strangely, I never encountered any of these temples during my many trips to Tokyo, including the most recent one following my ectopic pregnancy.  I had not … Continue reading No place to grieve