The Sound of Heartbreak

The Sound of Heartbreak by Nikita Gill It is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks. Car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper. But the sound of a heart breaking is completely silent. Almost as though no … Continue reading The Sound of Heartbreak

When I grow up…

I've been mulling over what it will mean if we are never successful in our quest to have children, and all ideas I ever had about what my future would look like are short-circuited: There would be no first steps or first words No messy diaper changes or stroller wheels broken by European cobblestones No … Continue reading When I grow up…

Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

If you know someone going through IVF, it might feel tricky trying to tippy-toe around the issue. Here are some things I wish I could just come out and tell some of the people around me: 1. You don't have to bubble wrap conversations, but be mindful of the kinds of things you say: She … Continue reading Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

Choices

This quote popped up on a couple of my feeds and dragged me out of the hole I had been hiding in. It strikes close to the heart, especially as an unwilling resident of the Land of the Infertile. It is a noisy place, often filled with a cacophony of baseless assumptions, unsolicited advice and … Continue reading Choices

On doctors’ notes

I got a note from my doctor this morning after I asked where he thought we should go from here: Dear XXXX, having reviewed your notes, I cannot, on medical grounds, advise you to stop. This is because you have consistently been able to produce eggs resulting in at least 1 transfer grade embryo. However, … Continue reading On doctors’ notes

Game over. Again

Another day, another failed cycle. I can't say I am surprised - I had given in and taken a HPT yesterday so the beta hcg result was not entirely unexpected. But that's the thing about hope. Even after five botched cycles, even after all the heartbreak, even after all the misadventures, even after all the … Continue reading Game over. Again

Baby G on board – 4dpt

So I'm four days (well five, really) into this two-week wait. Which also isn't really two weeks. My pregnancy test is on Monday, September 10, which will be 12 days past my Aug 29 transfer. No idea why it's slightly shorter this time... Perhaps it has to do with the fact that this was a … Continue reading Baby G on board – 4dpt

Mixing it all up

Ok, 12 hours to my transfer (FET), and this is now OFFICIALLY "The Different Cycle". And, like I said the last time, if this cycle really is all that different, it will end with me bringing home baby. Figured I might as well capture the details of this just in case. If it works, I … Continue reading Mixing it all up

Heard the one about Immaculate Conception?

This has been a week of endlessly germinating thoughts and unpublished blog posts because I don't seem to be able to find the time to see a single idea from start to end. Even writing for work has been trying and I haven't been able to find 5 minutes for a run. Why? I'm blaming … Continue reading Heard the one about Immaculate Conception?

Was it something I 8?

Work has meant blogging has fallen by the wayside, but I had my CD9 scan today and my lining has clocked in at a healthy 8mm! Eight, incidentally, is a number I like, and also sounds like the Mandarin word for prosperity (发) and so is considered especially auspicious. I'm not Chinese, but I'll take … Continue reading Was it something I 8?