On Pee(r) Pressure

If there is one thing that dominates conversations in every TTC (trying to conceive) and IVF chat group I have ever been in, it's pee. Did you POAS (pee on a stick - referring to a home pregnancy test)? Should I POAS? When are you POASing (yes, a verb too!)? Is it too early to … Continue reading On Pee(r) Pressure

Prickly realities

I started acupuncture again yesterday and didn't realise how much I needed it/would enjoy it. Those 40 minutes - when I put my phone on flight mode and listen to new age  fertility meditation tunes (I'm usually asleep by track 3/4) - are a welcome respite from the chaos of my workday and, as importantly, … Continue reading Prickly realities

On dark places

One of the biggest issues for women going through IVF (or at least the ones I know) is how isolating it all feels. You struggle with feeling like a failure as a woman and human being. You view the "you had one job" memes differently when you're can't fulfill your basic biological destiny. You're stuck … Continue reading On dark places

Frozen (the non-Disney version)

I'm psyching myself up for my next FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) in August and, of course, have been frantically consulting my doc (and Dr Google) on the odds are and how to better them). Of course, the stock answer from the former is consistently "zilch", but I thought I would share what I've found online … Continue reading Frozen (the non-Disney version)

The Big Thaw

Sorry about the silence. I needed the technology detox and the plan was, in that quiet, to try and listen a little closer both to me and the world around me. Of course, I did none of that, but it was both liberating not to worry about charging my phone and empowering to categorically ignore … Continue reading The Big Thaw

When words fail

A blogger friend sent love for our loss today. She had just miscarried too, she said. I felt a spanner in my gut tighten, my stomach lurching slightly. Fresh from another early loss, I knew her pain acutely. The gaping hole in my belly, and in my heart. I felt her hug from afar, a … Continue reading When words fail

Change in scenery

Quickly chiming in from the other end of the world after a crazy number of plane rides (blame summer prices) and way too much bad airplane food. We're in the motherland visiting the in-laws, and so begins a little time with family, nature, and some quiet from everyday life. Including... nah, perhaps especially... assisted baby-making … Continue reading Change in scenery

When the minuses make a plus

I never thought I would ever say this, but I find myself believing that just getting a negative HPT and a negative beta hCG after an IVF cycle might be more merciful than being thrust onto this other roller coaster. With the former, failure is clear. You cry, scream, vent, pour yourself a stiff drink. … Continue reading When the minuses make a plus

Game Over

So my HCG level fell today, to 34 mIU/ml. The doctor believes it is an early miscarriage, but would like me to continue with progesterone support until a repeat blood test on Saturday, because my HCG levels are still positive. I’m not sure whose benefit that is for or what kind of purpose that serves beyond … Continue reading Game Over