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Infertility can be a lonely, overwhelming place, even with the company of Dr. Google and the million TTC chat groups out there.

There are so many unanswered questions, and even more confusing answers. There is very little support for those whose bodies refuse to do as nature intended (and their partners), or who deal with the toll that treatments take on their bodies, hearts, relationships, and bank balances.

By way of background, I’m 42, been TTC-ing for as long as I remember. I have just emerged from cycle #6 (failed) and have all kinds of fertility misadventures, including an ectopic that was caught pretty late and several early losses. We suffer from secondary fertility, and I battled PCOS for most of my adulthood. Each cycle has yielded many eggs, but only a small number of embryos (our highest yield of blastocysts was two, in retrieval cycle #3 and #4).

I started this blog as an attempt to make sense of my own experiences, somewhere I could think out loud, and work some of these things out. I abandoned it (and dozens of unpublished posts) twice. This time, I have convinced myself that this is a story worth documenting, however elusive the happy ending. Plus, I needed somewhere to dump the links to material I was discovering [coming soon] because I kept losing them between cycles, and before being able to pass them on.

But in creating this space, I also hope that others might find something of use in these ups, downs, and in-betweens. A book that helps, an answer to a question, even just the reassurance that you’re not the only one who’s wanted to stab a nurse with a needle or held in a fart after an embryo transfer.

If that’s you, then welcome. I hope you get what you need (and, eventually, what you yearn for).