Game Over

So my HCG level fell today, to 34 mIU/ml. The doctor believes it is an early miscarriage, but would like me to continue with progesterone support until a repeat blood test on Saturday, because my HCG levels are still positive. I’m not sure whose benefit that is for or what kind of purpose that serves beyond … Continue reading Game Over

I’ve had Beta days

So I guess I should update this blog, not because I have any kind of conclusive news, but because the continuing inconclusive situation might be marginally less frustrating if I vent. After all that bleeding (10dpt-12dpt), my first beta HCG (a blood test for the 'pregnancy hormone') on 13dpt (days past transfer, Friday) was low and … Continue reading I’ve had Beta days

Positively mindf**ked

I am a torrid mess of emotions, all of which are simultaneously pulling on my innards while I'm trying to work. Doesn't help that I am also crampy, nauseous and completely unfocused. Today is 12dp4dt. I have had a dull, continuous cramp for three days now and have been bleeding like I have been stabbed in … Continue reading Positively mindf**ked

The Land of What Ifs and Buts

(Update below) It has been a 24-hour period of the highest high and one of the lowest lows I have ever experienced in a cycle. Sheer impatience, weird signs and a touch of nausea meant I caved yesterday (at 10dpt4dt) and peed on a stick. Opted for a Clearblue digital (expectation management since it requires … Continue reading The Land of What Ifs and Buts

Almost-Mother’s Day

Mother's Day is tough for the mother-in-waiting (wanting?). Not that the other 364 days a year that you suffer from infertility are a whole lot easier. But as many in the world count down to that special Sunday (May 13 where I am), it gets harder to ignore the gnawing feeling in my belly (it's not … Continue reading Almost-Mother’s Day

Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

This piece by clinical psychologist Elizabeth Merill got my attention today. I feel her pain acutely. You go into IVF brimming with hope. You do all the research and most times, you tightly grip on to the positive odds. Even if - at the back of your mind - you realise that this may not work, that … Continue reading Read: IVF Failure Is Devastating And More Common Than You Think

Check out: Infertility Illustrated

"Infertility is mostly sad. There are moments that you sort of have to laugh or appreciate the ridiculousness of a situation, but at the end of the day, infertility is awful." - Christine McDonough, Infertility Illustrated. Monday. T-10 (probably) to shots and a bit of a mixed-up mess, which has made it a little hard … Continue reading Check out: Infertility Illustrated

If you read one thing today…

When someone so artfully combines narrative and visual storytelling, humour, and pain, it simply has to be shared: Read Expecting by Lucy Grove-Jones. I love how she's captured her story, and went 'yes yes yes!' and then 'no, no no!' more than a couple of times. Whether you've experienced loss or fertility issues, near died in anticipation from one … Continue reading If you read one thing today…

Do you ever forget?

This quote (seen on Awakening Wildflower) stopped me in my tracks this morning. “A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman … Continue reading Do you ever forget?

Mugsho(u)t…

If you want your cup (collection) to runneth over, check out this Mug Swap that's being run by Nicola from Trimesters And Tribulations. It's for women who have experienced loss or are struggling to conceive (including the IVF-ers). More details are in her comment on my last post. Anyway, it seems like a nice thing to do if you're … Continue reading Mugsho(u)t…