When the minuses make a plus

I never thought I would ever say this, but I find myself believing that just getting a negative HPT and a negative beta hCG after an IVF cycle might be more merciful than being thrust onto this other roller coaster. With the former, failure is clear. You cry, scream, vent, pour yourself a stiff drink. … Continue reading When the minuses make a plus

Game Over

So my HCG level fell today, to 34 mIU/ml. The doctor believes it is an early miscarriage, but would like me to continue with progesterone support until a repeat blood test on Saturday, because my HCG levels are still positive. I’m not sure whose benefit that is for or what kind of purpose that serves beyond … Continue reading Game Over

Positively mindf**ked

I am a torrid mess of emotions, all of which are simultaneously pulling on my innards while I'm trying to work. Doesn't help that I am also crampy, nauseous and completely unfocused. Today is 12dp4dt. I have had a dull, continuous cramp for three days now and have been bleeding like I have been stabbed in … Continue reading Positively mindf**ked

Almost-Mother’s Day

Mother's Day is tough for the mother-in-waiting (wanting?). Not that the other 364 days a year that you suffer from infertility are a whole lot easier. But as many in the world count down to that special Sunday (May 13 where I am), it gets harder to ignore the gnawing feeling in my belly (it's not … Continue reading Almost-Mother’s Day

“Just try and relax”

Our friends in the US are marking National Infertility Awareness Week (April 22-28), and a number of women in an IVF support group to which I belong have been posting about being the "1 in 8" and the need to 'flip the script' on infertility. I admire them - going public about your infertility is … Continue reading “Just try and relax”

Check out: Infertility Illustrated

"Infertility is mostly sad. There are moments that you sort of have to laugh or appreciate the ridiculousness of a situation, but at the end of the day, infertility is awful." - Christine McDonough, Infertility Illustrated. Monday. T-10 (probably) to shots and a bit of a mixed-up mess, which has made it a little hard … Continue reading Check out: Infertility Illustrated

If you read one thing today…

When someone so artfully combines narrative and visual storytelling, humour, and pain, it simply has to be shared: Read Expecting by Lucy Grove-Jones. I love how she's captured her story, and went 'yes yes yes!' and then 'no, no no!' more than a couple of times. Whether you've experienced loss or fertility issues, near died in anticipation from one … Continue reading If you read one thing today…

Covert operations

It's been just over a week since I started documenting my IVF journey again, and it has been great to connect with some of the other women/IVF-ers on this platform (and other writers in general), reading their stories and poetry, looking at pictures of their children, husbands, their everyday lives... It begs the question of … Continue reading Covert operations

Do you ever forget?

This quote (seen on Awakening Wildflower) stopped me in my tracks this morning. “A miscarriage is a natural and common event. All told, probably more women have lost a child from this world than haven’t. Most don’t mention it, and they go from day to day as if it hadn’t happened, so people imagine a woman … Continue reading Do you ever forget?

Seeing red

Red is the colour of life. Of beginnings. The hue of longing, passion, and fire. Red is energy. It colours romance and courtship, desire and love. It is the deep shade of sensuality. Intense, hot, and strong. It is the power tie, celebrity carpets. Courage and bravery. Red is Christmas and Valentine's Day and weddings. Joy, … Continue reading Seeing red