He grabbed his lunch bag and headed for the door, and then turned back to give me a quick kiss before glancing at my bloated belly and quipping: “Behave you two.”
This, from my usually overly-cautious husband this morning. The only other time he’s ever acknowledged the period between transfer and testing (in other ways besides reminding me to relax and clearing the kitchen after dinner) was in cycle #2 (the ectopic) when he said he thought it worked. I guess it did. Sort of.
And after the disaster that was cycle #2, he’s kept his comments (and his hope/optimism) largely to himself.
That’s probably why he caught me by surprise. Of course, it doesn’t really mean anything (hmm). Plus, I’m actually acting no more pregnant than I’m acting unpregnant. Apart from the overconsumption of avocado, brazil nuts, and avocado, the endless trips to the loo (directly related to the silly amount of water I am drinking), the constant worry, the furrowed brow, and the staring into space, I am acting ABSOLUTELY normal. You can tell, right?
My sister is also extremely optimistic. But she always is.
Anyway, I am almost at the halfway mark of my wait. My beta is next Friday, which gives me plenty of time to anguish over every twinge I do or do not feel, and worry about the implantation bleeding/spotting that has made no appearance. Reassuringly, only 1 in 3 women appear to experience it.
Despite the 4/5/6/7/8dpt-ers sharing their squinters on the message boards, let it be said that I am going to continue to try and resist peeing on anything (let it also be said that I have never lasted past day 9/10 in previous cycles. So).
I’ve also been thinking a lot about what I might do if this cycle doesn’t go the way we hope. We have just one frostie, which is better than none. But even Frozen Embryo Transfers cost money (even if significantly less) and funding out infertility and cycle failures has taken a major toll on the bank balance. It also leaves me more worn down each time and is a reminder that time is running out. Can’t help thinking about natural killer cells etc and whether they might be getting in the way of implantation, or if my non-PGS tested (it’s not allowed here) embryos are simply no good. When/how do we know when it is time to simply say: We have done all we can?
Anyway, I’m not supposed to be a Negative Nancy, and the fat lady ain’t singing yet (she’s writing a blog post), so I guess I should get back to my new age music and balancing my chakras. I’ve been listening to Fertility Meditation on Spotify a fair bit. I’m not sure what it’s doing for my embryo, but it certainly relaxes me enough to fall asleep during acupuncture, which is a happy thing. See what you think?
And if you have any spare luck/prayers/positive thoughts on you, toss them over please!!
My song for this weekend: