It's not about trying to trust myself, it's about convincing myself that I should.
A Million Dreams: Because I needed a lift, and also because I found The Greatest Showman Reimagined album. This video of Pink recording the song (and the reprise) with her daughter also made my heart melt (and break a little). Incidentally, this song has been a part of pretty much every IVF playlist I have made … Continue reading A song for today
This quote popped up on a couple of my feeds and dragged me out of the hole I had been hiding in. It strikes close to the heart, especially as an unwilling resident of the Land of the Infertile. It is a noisy place, often filled with a cacophony of baseless assumptions, unsolicited advice and … Continue reading Choices
I got a note from my doctor this morning after I asked where he thought we should go from here: Dear XXXX, having reviewed your notes, I cannot, on medical grounds, advise you to stop. This is because you have consistently been able to produce eggs resulting in at least 1 transfer grade embryo. However, … Continue reading On doctors’ notes
Another day, another failed cycle. I can't say I am surprised - I had given in and taken a HPT yesterday so the beta hcg result was not entirely unexpected. But that's the thing about hope. Even after five botched cycles, even after all the heartbreak, even after all the misadventures, even after all the … Continue reading Game over. Again
So I'm four days (well five, really) into this two-week wait. Which also isn't really two weeks. My pregnancy test is on Monday, September 10, which will be 12 days past my Aug 29 transfer. No idea why it's slightly shorter this time... Perhaps it has to do with the fact that this was a … Continue reading Baby G on board – 4dpt
Ok, 12 hours to my transfer (FET), and this is now OFFICIALLY "The Different Cycle". And, like I said the last time, if this cycle really is all that different, it will end with me bringing home baby. Figured I might as well capture the details of this just in case. If it works, I … Continue reading Mixing it all up
This has been a week of endlessly germinating thoughts and unpublished blog posts because I don't seem to be able to find the time to see a single idea from start to end. Even writing for work has been trying and I haven't been able to find 5 minutes for a run. Why? I'm blaming … Continue reading Heard the one about Immaculate Conception?
Work has meant blogging has fallen by the wayside, but I had my CD9 scan today and my lining has clocked in at a healthy 8mm! Eight, incidentally, is a number I like, and also sounds like the Mandarin word for prosperity (发) and so is considered especially auspicious. I'm not Chinese, but I'll take … Continue reading Was it something I 8?
This script-to-screen of the opening sequence of Up found me by coincidence today. I clicked, of course. Now, let me just say that I have watched Up at least four times. I adored it every single time. It is a beautifully-executed animation that is sad, but also funny and hopeful. I was heartbroken for Carl … Continue reading Up, up and away