The Sound of Heartbreak

The Sound of Heartbreak by Nikita Gill It is eerily terrifying that there is no sound when a heart breaks. Car accidents end with a bang, falling ends with a thud, even writing makes the scratching sound of pencil against paper. But the sound of a heart breaking is completely silent. Almost as though no … Continue reading The Sound of Heartbreak

When I grow up…

I've been mulling over what it will mean if we are never successful in our quest to have children, and all ideas I ever had about what my future would look like are short-circuited: There would be no first steps or first words No messy diaper changes or stroller wheels broken by European cobblestones No … Continue reading When I grow up…

Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

If you know someone going through IVF, it might feel tricky trying to tippy-toe around the issue. Here are some things I wish I could just come out and tell some of the people around me: 1. You don't have to bubble wrap conversations, but be mindful of the kinds of things you say: She … Continue reading Ten things your infertile friend may not have told you

Christmas …

Merry Christmas everyone! It certainly has been a while. I had to press the pause button on the baby plans for a bit. Got felled by the flu and it was a long drawn nightmare. Thankfully, I was close enough to 90% to put together a Christmas Eve countdown and a Christmas Day dinner, and … Continue reading Christmas …

A song for today

A Million Dreams: Because I needed a lift, and also because I found The Greatest Showman Reimagined album. This video of Pink recording the song (and the reprise) with her daughter also made my heart melt (and break a little). Incidentally, this song has been a part of pretty much every IVF playlist I have made … Continue reading A song for today

Choices

This quote popped up on a couple of my feeds and dragged me out of the hole I had been hiding in. It strikes close to the heart, especially as an unwilling resident of the Land of the Infertile. It is a noisy place, often filled with a cacophony of baseless assumptions, unsolicited advice and … Continue reading Choices

On doctors’ notes

I got a note from my doctor this morning after I asked where he thought we should go from here: Dear XXXX, having reviewed your notes, I cannot, on medical grounds, advise you to stop. This is because you have consistently been able to produce eggs resulting in at least 1 transfer grade embryo. However, … Continue reading On doctors’ notes

Game over. Again

Another day, another failed cycle. I can't say I am surprised - I had given in and taken a HPT yesterday so the beta hcg result was not entirely unexpected. But that's the thing about hope. Even after five botched cycles, even after all the heartbreak, even after all the misadventures, even after all the … Continue reading Game over. Again